Quit Toying With My Heart, Coca Cola

I wish that Coca Cola
Wouldn’t toy with my affection
As guzzling their product by the jug’s
My daily predilection

I start my day off eagerly
And as I reach lunchtime
I’ve polished off an icy Sprite
And a diet coke with lime

I like a daily cherry coke
And an occasional “Hi-C”
But I will admit I do not get
The point of “caffeine free”

They have some drinks we do not get
That I would like to try
Like “Kuat” and “Kapo Super Power”
“Magnolia Funch” and “Tai”

I think I’d like “Koumisoukai”
And also, I assume
That “Slap” and “Smart” and “Safety First”
Are things that I’d consume

“Schichifukuzen” “Earth and Sky”
Are drinks I’d like to know
And if you gave me “Izvorul Alb”
I think I’d have a go

But my complaint is not with all
Their yummy, bubbly drink
It’s the head-games that they play during their
Giveaways, I think

Each day as I buy diet coke
(I know, it’s dull as flies)
I grab the one that tells me, girlfriend:
“You could win a prize!”

Each morning I hope “This is it!”
The prize don’t really matter
Unless it’s the de-luxe, all expense paid
Trip to Porta Plata

Or maybe the Plasma TV’s mine!
Or the five hundred CD’s!
Or the Ford Explorer! Or the concert
For a hundred friends and me!

So every day I sit and twist the cap
From off the neck
And pry the plastic liner up……
Oh yeah? Well what the heck.

And there, atop my fingers
(every day it is the same)
Is a chintzy piece of plastic saying
“Thank you, play again”

I sigh and mash my face up
Disappointed in my dealings
And what is worse, those rats at Coke
Are playing with my feelings

I think the least that they could do
To add some truth to it
Is instead of saying “Play Again”
They said “Piss Off, You Tit”


(all products listed here are actual Coke products)