the joys of internet dating: part the third

one of the most difficult things that i have to deal with in making male friends in australia is this whole "lets fall in love NOW, before we get to know each other" thing: this idea that because this is the internet, love will fall in a complete, frilly package out of the sky and into our laps. we will exchange a few emails, a few letters, a phonecall or two and then declare our undying love for one another.

well, thats a load of bollocks. it was the assumption with my ex, and in all honesty, i won't be dragged down that path again. it leads nowhere. internet or no internet, the people on either end are real human beings with a unique history, baggage, moods, family, jobs, stress, upbringing, opinions, quirks and coping methods of their own - not the dream come true that we always wish they were. but that's ok.

if i wanted the perfect man, i'd just keep dreaming.

i want a REAL one.

further, if i hear the word "chemistry" once more, i shall scream. "chemistry" is nothing more than the urge to shag someone you've just met. it takes in only the barest minimum: relative physical attractiveness, smell, grooming, posture, body language and the like. it is based on a great smile and a tight bum, and that means that really sweet, wonderful, kind, delightful men with a wee belly, a receding hairline and the wisdom and humour of a lifetime's experience etched onto their face will invariably lose out in that game.

i've had enough "chemistry" to last me a lifetime. i WANT a man with the wisdom and humour, compassion, strength, wit, understanding and the experience of a lifetime; and i will happily take the receding hairline, the belly and wrinkles that go along with that, and find them infinitely more desirable than a six-pack and thighs that can crush walnuts. but i want to be accepted in the same way - for who i AM, not whether i am/ am not judged to be sexually attractive within the first three beers. ;-)

see, by the time i came face to face with my ex, i loved him so much as a person that he could have weighed 400lbs, had a hunchback, warts, three extra toes, played the accordion and i'd still have wanted to shag him senseless. i LIKED him, and that was what made him utterly delicious to me, although he DOES have great teeth, a nice bum and all his own hair (i am not AGAINST those things, mind you; they are just not my first priority)

i am in no hurry to fall in "love". i want to take the time to focus someone and get to know him as an individual; to appreciate his texture, his depth, his breadth. then, who knows what can happen?

i have said that i want to focus on one in particular because well.... i don't play more than one at a time. that is not only disrespectful, its wrong.

right now, i am very much enjoying getting to know him as a person, getting a feel for him - who he is, his past, his friends and family, the things that thrill him and the things that disappoint him; the things that have shaped him and made him who he is - i am trying to get to know him for who he is, not who i want him to be.

i am hoping he will take the trouble to get to know me in that way too. and if it does turn out in a few months that we have come to be friends - friends who speak every day, who can talk about anything and everything to one another, who can share hopes and worries without fear of ridicule, who can truly understand and accept the other, who can face and overcome obstacles together - well, then i think coming together in the same place would be a brilliant way to add that last layer of depth to something that is already beautiful, brilliant and rock solid.