i seem to be unwell....

there is something very wrong with me, i believe.

for the past few months i have been feeling.....unusual (though not terribly cruel)..... i'll grant you, yet recently, whatever it is that is causing this ague seems to have intensified.

the symptoms are intense and pronounced: my palms are damp, my heartbeat races, i have trouble sleeping. i seem to have a compulsive need to check my email for love letters (which, i will say, never fail to arrive daily).

i giggle. often. my face cramps from smiling.

i am hallucinating, too. every time i close my lids i am haunted by images of a gorgeous man with a dead sexy smile, broad shoulders and fifteen different shades of grey and hazel in his eyes.

people have begun asking me what's wrong. they tell me i am wandering around with a silly smile on my face; that i am looking oddly feminine, that i am more relaxed, pleasant and cheerful than they have ever known me to be.

clearly, i am no longer myself, and its getting worse.

i have begun wearing earrings again, and other pretty things, but it was only today, when i decided to wear pink, that i realized how badly off i really am.

i have no idea what's wrong.

any suggestions?