myspace.com

And like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind.
We are such stuff, as dreams are made of,
And our little life is rounded,
With a sleep. - william shakespeare, the tempest

i did it.

after months of avoiding a "fad", i broke and created a myspace.com account:

Check me out!

"Check me out!"

such deceptively simple words....

its not a fancy link, i know, but there you have it. see, i realized if i was going to assume the arrogant conceit of writing "social commentary", i should perhaps immerse myself in a corner of the net being infested by said "society".

its utterly fascinating, intriguing and addictive - somewhere between the glory and exaltation of the species and a slow-motion train wreck - and everyone that shares a common interest in "humanity" in the abstract should be required to take a look, because there it is in all its splendour on myspace.com. it is what that alien from the movie "contact" (youknowtheonewithjodiefosterandmatthewmcconnaugheywherehe was allreligiousandhot?yeahthatone -ed) meant when he describe the human race as being capable of "the most beautiful dreams and the most terrifying nightmares". it is what irving stone might have been referring to as "the agony and the ecstasy" had he not actually been writing about michelangelo.

but i digress....

it is us in all our glory and pathos. it is the most extraordinary mirror the human mind has ever conceived of. it is the abyss nietzsche warned us about staring into....

so naturally the first thing i did to become acquainted with the site is to follow links that led to myspace profiles that i had received from friends. these are, of course, your childrens' profiles gentlemen, and they provided me with an amazing introduction into the world of "online social networking" (note to a very dear friend in oz (and parents in general take heed): you might wish to have a wee conversation with your eldest. from a cursory skimming of his profile i have learned more about his nipples and their relationship to elderly ladies, his drinking habits, the size of his "weener", and the amount of 'personality' to be found in his left testicle than i think i wanted to without actually having met the man - ed)

my little corner is divided up into neat compartments: i can post my pictures, host online videos, or booby trap my profile by programming it to suddenly start blaring rammstein at top volume to the unsuspecting schlubs that click on it. i am thinking that there may be a whole new class of homicide that might best be described as "coronary infarction induced by scaring the bejzeesus outta anyone that clicks on my profile" taking shape on the 'net.

i also have a section called "friends". this is an AMAZING section! complete strangers ask to be my friend! i haven't had this many strangers ask to be my friends since i stopped wearing catholic school girl outfits! currently, i have 12 friends. they include a 29 year old "vampyre" from sydney, a kurt cobain obsessed teenage girl from "f*cker, NSW" (which is a hot holiday destination, apparently) and a rock band out of tasmania. i cannot wait to move to oz and throw a housewarming party so i can invite all my new "friends".

they will be talking about it for years to come.......

and from what i can see, the way in which you cement your 'friendship' is to exchange half nude photos of yourself with your 'friends'. as a devout church person, and a modest woman to boot, i have elected to share half-naked photos of my bishop instead, in the name of ecclesiastic piety, of course.

you can also join "groups". the variety and scope of these groups is staggering - and all of them will let you in without so much as a secret handshake or a decoder ring. currently, in addition to several science fiction and writer's groups, i am a member of hip-hop nation, food not bombs, the accordion appreciation society, the online association of professional firefighters, and the gay and lesbian circus performers mutual benefit society and the young investors club.

but the real joy of myspace?

with 101,580,049 people in my "extended network", the lunatics find ME! it is a lazy writers dream come true. my muse, who i believe has been smoking crack, lives and bestirs me on this site. thus far, i have had a marriage proposal from a rap star, been taken to task for being a desperate, middle aged internet-dating junkie by a 22 year old in sydney (and i can't imagine where'd he'd get that idea from - ed); had a 56 year old grandfather-of-three invite me to talk dirty with him and his chevrolet fancier's club and been offered a chance to go on tour with said rock band from hobart.

i may never leave myspace again............ because you absolutely cannot make this stuff up.