mmmmmmmmusk

dearest, darling bruce,

thank you so much for the care package you sent yesterday. the waterproof keyboard is indeed a great help considering the gift you have for making me laugh while i have a mouthful of hot beverage, cold beverage, or goulash. i also very much enjoyed the delicious biscuits you sent me, and have tucked a few away in the kangaroo scrotum bag that i picked up in australia on my last visit. i am told that there is no better material for keeping food fresh than a scrotum!

i was also quite delighted by the musk sticks you sent. thank you! i was drooling just reading that this delicious confection was made from sugar, "humectant" (and to think that just the other day my doctor told me that i needed more "humectant" in my diet!) sulfides and the anal secretions of a certain species of deer. i can't imagine why the rest of the world doesn't enjoy this treat as well!

now, while an interesting candy, to say the least, it elicited quite the variety of reactions here. to the uneducated palet, the flavour was described as being like "soap", "incense" and "something that's been in a closet too long". cameron said it was rather like eating mennen speed stick, and expressed a thirst for some old spice, but for all of that the packet is empty and one or two people came back for another.

sadly, nitsa didn't take too well to it. as we speak, she is sitting at her desk, sucking on an exfoliating facial cleansing pad to get the taste out of her mouth, and while MC didn't like it too much either, she did take a couple home to her kids, because as you know her hobby is messing with their heads. i will admit i did get a kick out of watching people enjoy this first taste of a rare delicacy; some of them looked as though they were nibbling on sugar plums and turkish delight. others looked as though their tastebuds were dying a horrible death; screaming in agony as they withered and died, dropping from their tongues onto the floor of their mouths like a flock of tiny little sparrows flying through a cloud of methane emitted by a very large herd of musk deer.

but i digress.

thank you for enriching us and introducing us to something we've never tasted before. personally, i actually thought it was rather tasty, but then again, i very much enjoyed 'battlefield earth'.

i love you very much my sweet baby, and cannot wait until we can share such culinary delights together. i am dying to introduce you to canadian delicacies such as poutine, which is greasy french fries, unfermented cheese curd and lumpy brown gravy (i know, i know, you are drooling already!) and will kill you as surely as a bullet; hungarian delicacies like disznoszajt which, as you already know, is the entrails of a pig, spiced, chopped and stuffed into its skull to ferment; and jewish treats like "kishkes" which is flour and goose fat wrapped in intestines. yum!

my only question, naturally, is what sort of wine might go with stuffed intestines or head cheese?

all my love, annie