What is joy?

This, for me, is JOY:

Dogs and children frolicking in the creek on a hot summer's day. A picnic lunch. Ice cold drinks. Sand between your toes and the smell of the water.

Molly is the light of my life. She's a 4 year old cattle dog mix that doesn't quite understand that she's not a lap dog. She was rescued from an abusive neighbour, and is only now beginning to show signs of healing psychologically.

She has cost more money that I ever imagined I've have, she farts pure sarin gas and she has a quirky habit of shredding pillows and assorted manchester in the middle of the night.

I miss her when I leave the house in the morning and I can't wait to get back to her in the evening. I love the feeling of curling up with her at night and I don't mind being woken up from a deep sleep by having my face polished with big, wet sloppy kisses.

I love our morning walks, and our evening walks. I love watching her play fetch with the other dogs in the neighbourhood, and I love watching her hunt flies along the windowsills. I love that she won't let me get into the car without her, and that she has to be persuaded that dog stays home when the human goes to work.

I've adjusted to the fact that vacuuming is now a daily event, and I always remember to check that I have the correct number of dogs before retiring for the evening.

She gladdens my heart, and her presence in my life makes me a kinder, gentler human being.

But I am blessed with even more happiness!

* having the neighbours drop by for an impromptu glass of wine (or two) before dinner.

* having the neighbour's kids in and out of the house of a weekend, picking avocados from the tree in the yard, building a tree house next door, steam cleaning my walls or hosing off my deck... (yes, I actually hired them to do those chores!)

* sitting on the couch after work with dog and watching Friends, Dr. Who and the occasional episode of The Mentalist.

* the quiet hour (or two) before bed where I can roll up my sleeves and get stuck into a mystery computer game.

* lying in bed with aforementioned canine and watching the stars outside my window, or listening to the rain, the flying foxes and the lowing of cows echo through the valley.

* Sunday morning spent worshiping the incredible God that has given me all of this, in a small church made up of people who know and care for one another, and who pray for one another

Life is blissful. This is my idea of joy - and I am reluctant to consider giving it up.

See, were the hubby and I to reconcile, I would have to give all of this up because his idea of joy is different to mine. Its not better or worse; but there is a huge, yawning gap between the two of us in terms of what gladdens our hearts, and makes us kinder, gentler people.

This, for me, is joy, and I don't want to let it go.....

And now for something completely different...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/animals/awkward-cat-sleeping-positions

5 years on

Well, having revisited this blog recently (and having re-discovered some old gems that I had forgotten), I thought that it might be time to review, revisit and reflect, and indeed, to resume posting.

In all honesty, the last five years did not go well.

In fact, it sucked.

It started with dreams and hopes, and ended with the crushing reality of life. I am leaving those posts up so that you can see and relish the realities of idealism crushed under the wheels of reality, because real life is often more fascinating than fiction.

My marriage failed, and I am not entirely sorry about that.

Now there are those that would chastise a writer for speaking honestly and transparently, questioning whether or not some things should not be aired publicly. I realize now that that fear of honesty and transparency killed all of my writing ambitions and left me mute until today. So, if you are a writer and you fear judgment or retribution for your honesty - kill yourself now.

I have been deeply grateful to read articles in mainstream media from strong, courageous people willing to put their lives under the microscope and not fear the judgement and condemnation of those whose restrictive world view holds sway. I aspire to be someone who can be frank and honest (and maybe even funny at times) in her writing in the hope that someone, somewhere will connect with her experiences and say "wow. good to know its not just me!"

I can only speak from my own perspective - and for the other side of the story, well - blogs are still free. Anyone can start their own and put forth their perspective. The conflict and the drama is heady and personal - we can only state our position and hope that those with dissenting opinions will exercise their right to free expression as well.

Elsewhere.

So there.

Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we?

As soon as I can reconcile myself to be as open and honest as I was before I married I will post my own thoughts and reflections on this life as it is.

Some of you may disagree, but some others may find comfort in the fact that you're not alone, and that in fact, S*** happens to all of us.

The Soon to be Next Ex Wife.