and they say women are confusing?

all my female friends agree: all we want to share with a man is love and a life together. most of us have never wanted money, or favours, status or personal gain.

and yet, (according to the divorced men of my acquaintance) only psychotic, self-absorbed, self-righteous, sexually frigid gold diggers end up married.

even a very dear (male) friend in sydney candidly told me:

"Helped (a) lass with her kids high school uniform recently. She wanted to be with me, I said no but happy to help if things are bad. She said no, all she wanted was love. I said I cannot give you that. Pity I cannot fall for someone like that."

completely unable to understand what goes on in a man's head - and certain that i too must be doing something very wrong - i did something crazy: i asked a man.

this was his reply:

the world is strange, I hear men complaining about women wanting too much, and women complaining men will not committ. Maybe you and I are exceptions OR nobody is honest. Self delusion is deep. We only want that on our terms and here's my user manual with all 3000 terms in small print at the back and don't you dare not be able to find ALL my erogenous zones in 5 mins.

any thoughts on his reponse?? what do you think it is men are really looking for?

meow

cruel and unusual mom stories....

each story is 100% true. names have been changed to protect the deranged

from a dear friend who shall henceforth be known as 'la cucaracha'

I recently have my parents a SOLAR powered light for the pond they have on their deck at the cottage. I just got off the phone with her and she was saying that it had stopped working. I couldn't figure out why it would work for a coupl of weeks and then just stop. She wanted to know what knd of batteries it took and I reminded her that it was a ... SOLAR powered light and recharged during the day. Turns out for some unknown reason was bringing it inside every morning, something to do with being worried about the racoons that wander around.

from a dear friend in new zealand who shall never be known as 'la cucaracha'

one day my friend is over at her parents' house and her phone buzzes in her coat pocket. her mum says "what's that?"
my friend says "someone is sending me a text message"

her mum says "lovely! how did they know you were here?"

and from my own dear mother

we had an old aunt at a nursing home, and one day mum called to tell me we needed to get sally a new tv because at 9pm every night hers broke.

i said, "what do you mean every night at 9 it breaks"?

she said "sally says that it just shuts off and won't work after 9pm every night"

i said "do you think maybe the nursing home has a 'lights out' time ???"

my mum hadn't thought of that.

anyone here got a mom story they'd care to share? :)

the joys of internet dating: part the third

one of the most difficult things that i have to deal with in making male friends in australia is this whole "lets fall in love NOW, before we get to know each other" thing: this idea that because this is the internet, love will fall in a complete, frilly package out of the sky and into our laps. we will exchange a few emails, a few letters, a phonecall or two and then declare our undying love for one another.

well, thats a load of bollocks. it was the assumption with my ex, and in all honesty, i won't be dragged down that path again. it leads nowhere. internet or no internet, the people on either end are real human beings with a unique history, baggage, moods, family, jobs, stress, upbringing, opinions, quirks and coping methods of their own - not the dream come true that we always wish they were. but that's ok.

if i wanted the perfect man, i'd just keep dreaming.

i want a REAL one.

further, if i hear the word "chemistry" once more, i shall scream. "chemistry" is nothing more than the urge to shag someone you've just met. it takes in only the barest minimum: relative physical attractiveness, smell, grooming, posture, body language and the like. it is based on a great smile and a tight bum, and that means that really sweet, wonderful, kind, delightful men with a wee belly, a receding hairline and the wisdom and humour of a lifetime's experience etched onto their face will invariably lose out in that game.

i've had enough "chemistry" to last me a lifetime. i WANT a man with the wisdom and humour, compassion, strength, wit, understanding and the experience of a lifetime; and i will happily take the receding hairline, the belly and wrinkles that go along with that, and find them infinitely more desirable than a six-pack and thighs that can crush walnuts. but i want to be accepted in the same way - for who i AM, not whether i am/ am not judged to be sexually attractive within the first three beers. ;-)

see, by the time i came face to face with my ex, i loved him so much as a person that he could have weighed 400lbs, had a hunchback, warts, three extra toes, played the accordion and i'd still have wanted to shag him senseless. i LIKED him, and that was what made him utterly delicious to me, although he DOES have great teeth, a nice bum and all his own hair (i am not AGAINST those things, mind you; they are just not my first priority)

i am in no hurry to fall in "love". i want to take the time to focus someone and get to know him as an individual; to appreciate his texture, his depth, his breadth. then, who knows what can happen?

i have said that i want to focus on one in particular because well.... i don't play more than one at a time. that is not only disrespectful, its wrong.

right now, i am very much enjoying getting to know him as a person, getting a feel for him - who he is, his past, his friends and family, the things that thrill him and the things that disappoint him; the things that have shaped him and made him who he is - i am trying to get to know him for who he is, not who i want him to be.

i am hoping he will take the trouble to get to know me in that way too. and if it does turn out in a few months that we have come to be friends - friends who speak every day, who can talk about anything and everything to one another, who can share hopes and worries without fear of ridicule, who can truly understand and accept the other, who can face and overcome obstacles together - well, then i think coming together in the same place would be a brilliant way to add that last layer of depth to something that is already beautiful, brilliant and rock solid.

three phases of dating the typical aussie male:

three phases of dating the typical aussie male:

phase one: he flatters you shamelessly and constantly (infatuation)

phase two: he starts insulting you (committment)

phase three: he calls you pet names that refer to livestock (true love)

poignancy

this is too beautiful not to share. jon is one of my dearest friends, and i recently told him about a man in australia that i very much want to make a special part of my life "in time". these are jon's words...

...At least he has Foxtell...although I'm a bit sceptical about the pink couch...And what's this "in time" crap???...Think about that one Annie for a minute...It's not just your time you know...what about his time...I will say something that I think everyone should be aware of...Religion, Politics, Work, Sport whatever are all well and good...but Love is the only engine of survival...I have seen love I have never seen a good politician or for that matter God..I can work anytime I wish and watch or play sport all day...but Love???...that only happens once in a great while...and the problem with the human ape is they are very quick to assign Love into a secondary place whilst spending most of their lives wishing they had more of it...as Mark Knoppfler asked in a song...When you gonna wake up and find your good man gone???...Annie as a friend I will advise you that if you wait too long, no matter how wonderful you are, no matter how well you do the oral thingy, a person can only wait so long...I'm convinced that when we as people meet somebody, we know right from that moment if we love them or not...there is no such thing as like...you like a car or a coffee...you love another heart...and if you feel that you and this fellow have any chance of success then be sure that it will wilt and die on the vine if you make him and yourself wait while you decide if you wish to dive in or just waggle your toes in the shallow end...this is what the newscaster was doing...I'm dying Annie...I don't have time for games or indecision...I would question ones committment to a cause if one was waffling...you can find God here...you can become a constable here...this is a land of great opportunity...you miss it...why make your heart cry when it could be smiling...and why expect somebody else to wait while you decide...what about them???...get your ass on a plane Annie...worst case scenario you can stay with me...I do have three bedrooms...pee or get off the pot...Love You...Jonathan...

men versus boys

this just landed in my inbox, along with a note:

hey there im XXXXX 28 m melb looking for fun with older woman .. i travel a lot i am an accountant .. i am currently in melbourne .. i travel .. adelaiede.. qld....nsw...all over hehe ...i just love older women mmmm :)

*sigh*


no six-pack in the world can equal the beauty and desirability of a man over 45. it is the difference between a boy and a man. oh, perhaps the man is carrying a few extra pounds, and perhaps maintaining an iron man physique has not been his first priority, but the body of a healthy, mature man is infinitely more attractive than that of a young boy.

too many people measure the march of time by what it takes from a body. i have always appreciated time for the gifts it gives a man.

each body tells its own story. the body of the boy says "i go to the gym alot. i look in the mirror alot. i want people to look at me alot"

the body of a man says "i am living a real life." the set of a man's shoulders, the way he carries himself speaks of experience and wisdom, of life's challenges faced, life's joys celebrated, pain borne, lessons learned and love won, lost, and won again.

and that is a thousand times sexier than any six-pack.