as many of you know, i am packing to move to australia

and i know you are asking yourselves: "what is the secret of packing to move overseas?"

well, its good help:

THE ASSISTANT




THE COACH


THE SUPERVISOR

oi!

what the heck is this bloody white stuff all over my steps???????

merry new year!

from the man i love who got a picture frame as a gift from his future mom- in-law and the woman that loves him:

sound advice for living a happy, carefree life?

or maximum strength feminine protection?

sometimes the lines blur.........

the CIBC/NSL 1st open gingerbread decorating competition 2006

dearest, darling bruce...

please find attached a picture of our world beating and slightly disturbing entry to the gingerbread house contest. as you can see, while it perhaps lacks something in aesthetic value, all of the scriptural elements are there: the baby GIGANTIC Jesus swaddled in joseph's coat of many colours (clever use of metaphor there, i think), the wise man with a cracker on his head to keep the birds away, the matzo manger, camels and buffalo laying down in the hay, exhausted after laying those enormous, boulder-turds you see behind yon nude wise men. notice the miniature bottle of liquer-filled chocolate, brought as a present to the baby Jesus because the gift-shop was out of myrrh, lying next to the passed-out gingerbread shepherd who is actually simply overcome by the miracle he is witnessing. you see love, this is the kind of spiritual understanding that comes with an advanced degree in theology!

but i would, however, like to draw your attention to the amazing butterscotch-chip/chocolate-mint-stick/vanilla icing retaining wall in the foreground. i know your are just floored at how a simple ministry student like me could create such an architectural masterpiece out of sugar alone. makes me dizzy just thinking about it - but of course, without your magnificent inspiration, i really am nothing, which is the only part of this blog that isn't a joke.

What an inspiring scene! What a depiction of wonder! Three wise-ish men, having stepped out of the tardis behind them onto a strange and, well...strange planet, find themselves confronted by a giant baby and his wino guardian. This new learning amazes me. Especially now that gingerbread houses are coming with cladding! But beauty of form aside... far aside actually... it's culinary harmony of flavours that truly sets this work apart - way, way, apart. This is a scene that will appear to retain it's natural form even after consumption of the various elements has begun. Frank Lloyd Wright, Harry Seidler, Jamie Oliver - eat your hearts, and your shorts, out!

bruce
XXXOOO

i LOVE shirley temple!

I've thrown away my toys
Even my drum and train.
I wanna make some noise
With real live aeroplanes.

Some day I'm going to fly.
I'll be a pilot too.
And when I do, how would you
Like to be my crew...

On the good ship lollipop.
Its a sweet trip to a candy shop
Where bon-bons play
On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay.

Lemonade stands everywhere.
Crackerjack bands fill the air.
And there you are
Happy landing on a chocolate bar.

See the sugar bowl do the tootsie roll
With the big bad devils food cake.
If you eat too much ooh ooh
You'll awake with a tummy ache.

On the good ship lollipop
Its a night trip into bed you hop
And dream away
On the good ship lollipop.

the prodigal returns

finally! my ticket to australia!

i will be in oz this time from jan 24 - feb 11, and (God willing). bruce and i will be taking a weekend in new zealand over that time frame, as neither of us has ever been to new zealand, and that is where my best friend girlfriend, margot, is.

i am so excited to finally be going back. and why? well.... because i get to be with him.

i am so humbled and delighted to have this man in my life. i am so proud of him, so in love with him, so amazed at what an extrordinary man he is. i am so deeply appreciative that he creates a safe space where i can go to pieces for an evening when the immensity of emigrating begins to get to me; that he makes me laugh when i am not expecting it; that he guides me and teaches me as we pray together and study scripture together. i am so humbled that he shares the most amazing and precious thing in this world with me: his life.

if i had to walk to australia to spend only five minutes with bruce, i'd do it gladly.

right.

we now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

how delightful! pugsley grew up to be a toy designer!

i have been shopping for gifts for my sweet, wonderful boyfriend's son, a delightful 8-year-old that likes to wake up at 5am and enjoys golf. while i realize that a child that twisted gets it from his father deserves a gift that is just as twisted, it is heartening to realize that finally, we addamses are being catered to:

teach your child to be an internet terrorist

now,our dear, sweet angel can hack into the DHS database and add his friends' names to the list of registered sex offenders. what fun!

and how delightful! its "my first homicide"!

and daddy will have hours of fun hiding the bodies! its such a father-son bonding activity.


and here is another wholesome childhood past time. i remember doing this as a child....

imagine the peals of delight on christmas morning when the little angel tears off the wrapping paper and realizes the hours of fun he and his friends will have reconstructing the face of a cadaver so badly decomposed that the victim couldn't even be identified from dental records!


and yet there are gifts just too horrible even for us!:

thank goodness for the educational gifts, like the "big book o' wounds"!


its a wonderful book - just chock full of injuries!

the page on burns and sucking chest wounds is simply delicious!


OR, for the VERY practical parent, there is a hands-on migraine kit:




but then i thought, what about a gift that might encourage josh in an eventual career :

like "police officer"?

or something to encourage his natural athletic ability?

every child needs a complete home ass-kicking kit!


but finally, i thought i would simply buy a game that bruce and josh could enjoy together, as father and son:



oh, and i picked up a little something for myself too ;-)

CaUWOAM news flash!

what else is there to say but "thank God"????

mmmm..... peanut butter.......mmmmmm banana.......... mmmm...... elvis........

dear bruce....

i hope you had a lovely long sleep, and very sweet dreams.

i love you so much my heart, that even the fact that my face is a swollen, throbbing mass of agony from having a ceramic tooth pried from my jaws without anaesthetic by an uncaring and sadistic doctor (whose mother was a hammerhead shark and whose father ate babies for breakfast) so that he could then pound a cement-filled piece of gravel into the hole and hammer it in with the heel of his shoe while whistling the theme to the "anvil chorus" as i screamed and writhed in agony, begging God to take my life, weeping as the pain became more than i could bear, and cursing his offspring to the ninth generation hardly bothers me at all i am so happy just dreaming of you.....

have a wonderful day, my angel, and don't worry about me for a moment. nitsa, who doubles as our first-aid warden here at work, has wrapped a tourniquet around my neck, and while i am feeling a bit light-headed, she assures me the bleeding should slow to a trickle by this evening. and my boss, MC, God bless her, said not to worry about the carpet.

love you, catch you when you get home from roma.........!

WHAT???

the lawrence west subway is undergoing an "upgrade".



these are the "steps" for their escalator system. for those of you not conversant with the genius of the escalator, each step in the escalator has two sets of wheels, which roll along two separate tracks. the upper set (the wheels near the top of the step) are connected to the rotating chains, and so are pulled by the drive gear at the top of the escalator. the other set of wheels simply glides along its track, following behind the first set.

so.......



am i the only one that is disturbed by the manufacturer describing them as "fragile"???